he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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