I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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