I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
