Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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