I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
