i think my mom watched the whole time
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
