Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
