i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
