Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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