Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
