Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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