happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
