either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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