dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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