This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
