I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
