Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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