mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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