Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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