and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
