talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
