you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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