all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
