dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
