New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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