That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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