oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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