You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
