Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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