She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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