Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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