I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
