Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
