WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
