Need sex. Gaining weight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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