if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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