You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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