I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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