Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
