she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Randomize
