Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
