It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
