i was born a porn star she said
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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