Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
