FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
