We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
