Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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