he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
