I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
