Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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