Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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