A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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