I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
