I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
