dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
