He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
