its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So much rum. So many feels.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
