and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
