Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
