Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All the doctor said was why
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
