i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
