She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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