I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
