Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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