The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
