I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
