If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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