i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
