It's never too late to be topless.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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