how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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