That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
